How can I get out of testifying in a mistrial if I’ve been subpoenaed

We all pretty much assume the system can't work at all if people don't come testify, so you can ask your lawyer whether you might have any legit reason to disregard a subpoena (don't hold your breath that you do) but otherwise so long as you're alive I can't think of any reason to legitimately dodge it. Please stay alive regardless of the subpoena!