is there a way i will not get charged? if i do get charged will i lose my son? im 17, will it stay on my record if i get charged?

Since you are 17, juvenile court, not district court, would have jurisdiction in Iowa unless waived to district court.  You should apply for a court appointed attorney through the clerk of court or hire an attorney immediately, and your attorney will discuss these issues with you in detail.  As each criminal case is fact specific, you need to discuss this case with your attorney. Juvenile court has different ways to handle your case than does the district court.  If the case remains in juvenile court, you would not have the case stay on your record. If the case goes to district court, the case may or may not stay on your record.  Based upon your age and lack of an adult record, your attorney in district court may ask for a deferred judgment if the case goes that far.  A deferred judgment withholds adjudication of guilt until your probation is violated.  If probation is successfully completed, the case is dismissed. It is unlikely that you would lose your son due to a simple domestic abuse charge.  However, it could be possible due to the facts and circumstances.  Again, contact your attorney immediately to discuss this case also. Contact your attorney immediately.