what if , I don,t want a divorce, I still love my wife

California is a no fault state and as such if one party wants a divorce, that person can get one.  In CA the courts are concerned with the issues of the divorce--division of property & debt, spousal support and child custody, visitation & support as well as other issues. You may want to suggest marriage counseling to your wife.  If she agrees, you may avoid a divorce.