Will or can I be charged with abandoment In the state of NJ if I leave the house to live with my father who is disabled while I am in the process of

The cause of action for a divorce is not really that relevant.  You can claim separation - and then after 18 months ask for a divorce.  You can also just claim irreconcilable differences.  The only reason you want to avoid abandonement is if you are leaving young children, or not taking care of financial responsibilities.  If you are concerns about the cause of action that will be filed against you, you can always be proactive and file the complaint yourself.