Can I leave with my son in VA if my husband refuses a separation and refuses to leave.

Unfortunately, your question cannot be answered in this forum. Lawyers.com offers general information and not legal advice.  Legal advice is based on the specific facts in a case, as applied to the existing law. Moving out is a serious matter, which could have dire consequences.  However, there are exceptions, which the court may recognize as a legal justification for ending the marriage.  It is recommended that you confer with an experienced family lawyer before making a move to make sure your rights are protected.  Most lawyers charge by the hour for office consultations.  Therefore, you need to verify the fees before making an appointment. Best of luck~