Can my ex get joint custody if he lives out of state?

No one could say for sure what you would be awarded if you got a lawyer, but hiring one when important matters are before a court is generally considered wise and prudent. I agree. There are many divorces in which the parents live in different states. That does not mean the out-of-state parent is denied all placement: it just means that the parties need to work out a placement schedule and who pays for transportation. If they cannot, of course the Court will do so for them. Get a lawyer. Good Luck.

The father will get to see the children whether you live in the same state or not. If your state is WA custody is not the issue. You will get a parenting plan that allocates decision making authority and residential time. Getting a lawyer would help you understand what is actually at issue and what the law is. I highly recommend you do so.

All divorces are driven by the facts, and your husband regardless of the fact that he left the marriage will have parental rights. He will most probably receive joint legal custody, with primary physical custody to you. That said, some accommodations will most probably have to be made from the normal parenting time schedule due to geographical inconvenience. I would strongly suggest that you engage an attorney with all of the details to at least assist you as you go forward.

I agree with you that where your husband lives would have no bearing on joint legal custody. I also agree with you that joint physical custody would be unlikely depending on how far away he is. A week on/week off scenario is unlikely. However, depending of course on various other facts, it might be a joint physical custody arrangement where you had custody during the school year and he had custody during the summer months.