QUESTION
Do I HAVE to set a custody schedule NOW??
Asked on Jun 04th, 2020 on Child Custody - New Jersey
More details to this question:
My ex fiance is pressuring me to determine a schedule with our unborn baby NOW. I am 4 months pregnant. He says my desire and plan to breast feed (which I suppose gives him no overnights right away) 'needs to be discussed' and refuses to accept anything less than 50/50. His current schedule wouldn't permit that and he says he is going to be altering his work schedule etc and taking a pay cut etc to be more available to this child. I said when you have that schedule in place, we can discuss that vs something that is speculative. He is refusing to let this go. Do I HAVE to determine some schedule now?? I am obviously SO UPSET and do not know what to do
2 ANSWERS
Family and Matrimonial Law Attorney serving Parsippany, NJ
Partner at
Weinberger Divorce & Family Law Group, LLC
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Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are going through this right now and cannot imagine the stress you are under. There is no requirement under the law that you agree to a parenting time schedule in advance of the child’s birth, nor are you required to agree to a plan that you are not comfortable with. It is, however, advisable that you begin to consider what you would be comfortable agreeing to with the expectation that the other party will file an application with the Court if you and he cannot come to a resolution. The Court, however, does not have the ability to enter a custody or parenting time Order for an unborn child, so that application would not be heard until the baby is born. I highly recommend that you consult with an attorney who can discuss various parenting time plans and proposals that may work well for your situation and assist you in resolving the matter, with or without the Court’s intervention.
Answered on Jun 05th, 2020 at 9:02 AM
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Divorce Attorney serving Short Hills, NJ
at
Diamond & Diamond, P.A.
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Im not sure if your ex is making these "demands" because its part of his core personality or because he is fearful that he will be cut out of the child's life with the passage of time. At time point, I would tell him that once the baby is born, you and he can sit down and figure out what type of schedule makes best sense for both of you and for the baby. As far as breast feeding, my wife breast fed both of our sons and the literature all supported it for health benefits. As a divorce and family law attorney for the past 34 years, I have had many matters where we have had to deal with breast feeding schedules and parenting time and the foundation starts with an understanding of your milk production and the baby's feeding needs. You will not be able to figure out a parenting time plan until the baby is born and you know his feeding schedule (which potentially will change in the first year several times). Both of you should take a class ( together or apart) on CPR training and learning how to handle a new born - the first few months will be exhausting for both of you with little sleep - so this is where you and he need to figure out how to work together instead of calculating minutes of time with the baby. The key in the first year is to figure out how to help support the other parent and share constructively in the day to day responsibilities. If you and he continue to butt heads, then it may make sense to meet with a parenting counselor or parenting mediator ( category of mental health professional) to help play traffic cop and to assist in working through a schedule and responsibilites. Also, make sure that you are giving him copies of all expenses being incurred for the baby and for the pregnancy so that he can start to share in the cost of the baby. Part of parenting, is paying the expenses and it should start now.
Answered on Jun 05th, 2020 at 6:25 AM