how can I get my daughter back living out of state with her father but not staying with her father? we both do not have legal custody of her.

In DC, you will have to file a motion to modify custody.  (DC Code 16-914(f))  In your motion you have to detail why you believe this is a substantial and material change in circumstances.  You must also explain why it is in the best interest of child to live with you at this point.   The fact she no longer lives with the father, but with an ex-girlfriend should qualify as a substantial and material change in circumstances.    You file in the state that issued the order, assuming the child still lives in that state or had lived in the state six month prior to filing for the petition.  If you don't want to hire an attorney, you may be able to download the forms from the court's website.  Otherwise, call the clerk's office to determine if you can walk in and pick up the packet. If you plan to file in DC, the DC Bar has free legal information at https://www.dcbar.org/pro-bono/free-legal-help.cfm .  Although you may not qualify for a pro bono attorney, the website also has free legal information and forms online that is available to everyone. This includes a 25 page handbook that covers family law issues.  This should be helpful in answering most of your questions.   See http://www.lawhelp.org/files/7C92C43F-9283-A7E0-5931-E57134E903FB/attachments/B59386E1-BCFD-4AE8-99A6-8C4F08342AAD/dr-handbook-for-self-represented-parties.pdf .  Once you review the information that is relevant to you, you may be able to handle it yourself or you may need assistance.