How can i get my lawyer to listen and ubderstand my situation and to help me instead of him helping the other person

Respectfully, that is a bit too vague to be answered specifically, but as a general matter the process is pretty simple.  You -- the Client -- are the employer, with a right under the ethical rules to identify the “objectives of representation.”  However, a lawyer is not required to pursue objectives or employ means simply because a client may wish that the lawyer do so.  The terms of a lawyer’s representation may exclude specific objectives or means, including those that a lawyer regards as repugnant or imprudent. Litigation is expensive.  Lawyers cannot control the actions of the opposing side or his/her counsel, nor can a lawyer “force” a Court to any particular action in any particular time frame.What this means is that lawyers never have the option to follow instructions from any client to “not go to hearings,” or “don’t respond to their calls and letters,” no matter how ridiculous the Client thinks the hearing or communication from the other party might be.  Attorneys in a case must follow the court rules, which requires response to both the Court and to opposing counsel.  Sometimes -- frequently -- the best way to serve a client's actual interests is to be as helpful and cooperative with the other side as possible. All that said, if you think your lawyer is not doing what he or she should be doing, the first course is probably a heart-to-heart conversation with your lawyer to discuss your concerns.  If that does not provide satisfactory answers, feel free to contact a qualified family law specialist and schedule a second opinion consultaiton, bringing with you all paperwork relating to your concerns.  Finally, if you are unhappy with your representation, you can change counsel -- but do so as seldom as possible, and only with good cause, because there is a transactional cost to getting someone new entirely up to speed.