if i contact a divorce lawyer can my spouse hire them latter

I just lectured on that very topic as part of a panel in Madison for the WI state bar on lawyer ethics. The answer to your question is that it depends. Just because you talked to the lawyer doesn't necessarily mean there is a conflict of interest for your spouse to go and hire that same attorney.  I wouldn't do that, but I know there are some lawyers who would. The real question is how much time was spent during that initial contact with you and what was gleaned from the conversation. If the attorney spent two minutes with you on the phone and he quoted you a fee, there probably would not be a conflict of interest. If you went on the other hand to see the attorney in person and spent an hour at their office, discussed your case, finances, important information about your children,, and the attorney has gained insighful information that they can now use against you, yes it is a conflict and the attorney should not be properly representing your spouse.