If I recant what the police say I said can i still appear at court to voice my message.

A "victim" can always try to make their position known. Normally that is done, at least initally, through the District Attorney's office. Be aware, however, that the position you are taking is not unusual in a "domestic violence" situation and it is not uncommon for the DA to think that it helps prove you are a true vicitm (trying to "protect" tehe perpetrator). You can hiire your own lawyer as well, if you want more help getting your position across. If you go directly to the judge to get the protection order lifted, he/she will ask for the DA's position, so it makes more sense to start with the DA.  They will have you fill out a form explaining what you are asking for and why, then they will put their position on it, and file it with the Judge.  You can also contact your boyfriends lawyer and see if you can be of help to him/her.