if im priamary caregiver to my daughtet can my ex decide if she goes to therpy

This question is difficult to answer without reviewing any custody agreements and the facts in the case.  You state that you have primary care.  I assume that the court has awarded you primary physical care (often called custody by lay people) and that your ex has visitation rights. Primary physical care allows you to make the daily decisions concerning your daughter's life. Legal custody is probably shared by both of you.  Legal custody concerns the life decisions concerning your daughter.  Legal custody means that both of you have the say as to medical, school, and legal issues concerning your daughter.  This would mean that both of you should decide as to therapy issues. If you cannot decide on therapy though, and your daughter needs therapy, this could lead to a modification decision as you may be denying your daughter therapy that she needs.  Additionally, this could possibly be a Child in Need of Assistance issue if your daughter needs therapy. The issue would be if your daughter does or does not need therapy.  Perhaps it would be smart if she is only saying certain things at your ex's house, to send her to therapy to determine if she is saying those things at therapy too?