If you want your life to just go back being normal and want to drop tape charges are you allowrd

The short answer to this question is, no, you cannot.  The much longer answer is that once the Commonwealth brings charges, you are no longer in control of the case.  You are just a critical witness to the case.  There may be other reasons that they want to bring the charges even if you are not cooperative (for instance they are charged with protecting the community).  You should have been assigned a victim advocate with the DA's office.  You should call this person or the assigned DA and make your feelings known.  If anyone has threatened you or asked you to change your testimony they can be prosecuted.  Also, there are mechanisms available for you to get counselling, which is not a sign of weakness, that you can avail yourself of.  I am sorry you are dealing with this stress, as a victim you have the right to be heard, make sure they are listening.