QUESTION
Is there a way I can gain independence without my mother’s permission? And without getting pregnant or married...
Asked on Jul 07th, 2020 on Family Law - New Jersey
More details to this question:
I am 15 years old and I am questioning wether or not I want to move out from my mother and her boyfriends house. They didn’t ask me or my siblings wether or not we wanted to move to the house. They decided to make the big decisions themselves and my mother does this every year or so to leave without asking us. When we gave her cheaper options instead of renting things she can’t afford, she ignores them and we all pay the price. She makes things about herself, and brother isn’t the best. I am never use to keeping friendships so i’m lucky enough to have one. I have an amazing best friend who is most likely willing to talk to her family about my situation to see if I could possibly stay with them, but of course i’d need permission from my mother. The problem is my mother will most likely say no and might throw a tantrum if I try to argue or even convince her. So the better option is to just gain independence, is there a way I can gain independence when i’m 16 without her permission?
1 ANSWER
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I have been a divorce lawyer for the past 34 years and am pretty tough ( on the outside) but this type of inquiry still causes me sadness since im sure that you sincerely are angry, hurt, frustrated at your current setting and im also sure that your mom does not know how her actions impact you or does not know how best to communicate with you. Im also sure that between your view of the world and your mom's view of the world, there is a lot of struggling taking place and possibly your mom may not have the financial resources to give you the life and the home setting you would like to have. Simply states, life sometimes "sucks" and it may be the reason why you and she are banging heads.
Over the course of years, my wife & I have also taken in kids from our local community who were friendly with our sons because of conflicts in their households. In one setting, we took guardianship of a a boy, whose parents had mental health issues and nightly, he slept with his cell phone under his pillow hoping for a call from his mom. Nothing was more heart wrenching to watch then to see the sadness in that boys heart waiting to see if his parents would get the treatment needed for him to go home. My suggestion for you is to google mental health assistance programs offered through your county or through DCPP and maybe you can begin counseling to help you better communicate with your mom and maybe she can then attend the counseling with you so that she can better understand how to constructively communicate with you. Dont give up on your mom.... it may be that she is suffering as well for a million other reasons and does not know how to discuss her issues with you too.
Answered on Jul 08th, 2020 at 7:20 AM