is there a way to get a different judge in a custody case?

You are a little unclear as to where you are in the process, but if, as it appears, you have already appeared at a contested hearing of some sort, then no, generally you cannot file a peremptory challenge, except "for cause," and the facts you set out in your question would not qualify. For what it is worth, consider the possibility that you may have mis-perceived the message -- no matter WHAT your situation is, it is perfectly possible that the judge in question HAS seen worse.  Unfortunately, we see the most horrific cases of abuse, even murder; it is possible that the judge was simply trying to commiserate.  But either way, you should probably focus on the merits of the issues that are pending.