Is there any way to force a response from a company’s a QDRO. My QDRO lady has been trying with one company for over 3 months

Short answer yes, sort of.  Presuming this is a private pension governed by ERISA, the law gives the plan up to 18 months to respond to inquiries.  Different rules apply to state, civil service, military, etc., plans.  It is not clear whether your "QDRO lady" knows what she is doing, but you can contact the experts at QDROMasters.com, and ask any questions about administrtion and getting a correct order in place as efficiently as possible.