My girlfriend''s ex-husband is nowhere to be found. Can she get him off loan and assumed it herself? She has always been up-to-date with payments.

If his name is on the title to the vehicle, the simplest ways to get if off are for him to sign, which you say he won't do, or to have the loan company sell the car to enforce their lien.  If you had the money to do so, you would contact the loan company and have the note sold to a third party - such as family friend.  Your girlfriend would then stop paying the note, your friend would then exercise the right under the note to sell the car.  You would need a lawyer to look at the note to make sure it has the correct language, and look at a copy of the certificate of title to make sure that the loan company, and in turn your friend, would have the right to sell upon default, and if the documents allow it, your friend could sell it to your girlfriend for the amount owed on the note.  Another option is for your girlfriend to stop making payments, but that could impact her credit, and she would be liable for the deficiency after it is sold.    This answer is given in accordance with the laws of Virginia, and is based on the facts that are recited, and assumptions which may or may not be accurate. Accordingly, this response may not be relied upon and may not be applicable in any other state.  It should not be relied on as legal advice, as that would require a detailed analysis of all of the facts involved in a specific case, not just the limited facts presented in the question.