Regarding a Dependency case

I used while pregnant with twins. Im not proud of myself and Im very ashamed of myself. Right now I am on probation for a misdemeanor case. I am successfully completing the requirments and dcf is making my life crazy. Ive been struggling with my addiction but have still successfully given 2 clean ua's and they ordered me into dependency drug court. My past traumatic experiences in life have caused me to develop a mental condition called ptsd. I have shut down on them because I know that my twins will not be permitted to come home to me. I know these things due to my addiction, mental illness, and my inappropriate handicapped uncle that I had problems with when I was a minor. I don't want my twins here around him. Ive expressed this to the court. They are putting me on the edge of vop and going back to prison just because Im a victim of addiction and lifes terms from my poor choices. What can I file for dcf to terminate my parental rights?