went to jail and bonded out domestic violence. how do I get a continuance?

Appear at the court and ask the Judge for a continuance in order to obtain private counsel.  Dependeing on the judicial circuit, you may be able to call the circuit clerk's office before the court date and get a continuance without appearing at the first court date.  The prosecuting attorney is the only party who can file charges.  Your bond probably has a condition that you have no contact at all with your wife--doing so would be a vioation of your bond, and it might get revoked.  If your wife doesn't want to cooperate with the prosecution, she should call their office and let them know.  If it goes to trial, she could always invoke her marital privilege not to testify against her husband. This answer does not create an attorney/client relationship.