QUESTION
What is a good approach to gain custody of my daughters?
Asked on Oct 21st, 2011 on Child Custody - Oregon
More details to this question:
I got involved with a woman who was in the middle of a divorce (which still hasn't finalized by the way). A month after I met her, she told me she was pregnant. I didn't want to have children with her because she already had two young kids of her own and was still living with her husband at the time. However, when she made it clear to me that she was going to keep the babies, I decided that I wanted to be a part of their lives, so this woman eventually became my girlfriend. When her husband found out she was pregnant by someone else, he kicked her and her kids out and she went 7 hours away to another state. She came to see me about 5 or 6 times while she was pregnant and I traveled to here about the same amount of times as well. We didn't have a baby shower so before the babies were born I purchased all the stuff babies need like a crib, diapers, wipes, clothes, etc. After the babies were born and I confirmed that they were mine (I had my doubts) we began discussing having her move back to my home state (and where the family of her other kids are) and we finally moved in together when they babies were 7 weeks old. After living with this woman for 3 months I've realized that this is not going to work out long term. She's physically attacked me on more than one occasion (I had to call the cops once, she also gave me a bloody nose on another occasion), intentionally cut holes in my work shirts, broke my car windshield, threatened to commit suicide at least 4 times and is just a total train wreck. I started documenting her erratic behavior since the first time she threatened to commit suicide (she downed 10 oxycodine pills) I want out of this relationship but I want to get custody of my daughters. I'd like to know what would be a better approach: Continue living together for a while and continue documenting her erratic behavior and file for custody after I can save up enough money to get a two bedroom for me and my daughters.
12 ANSWERS
Family Law Attorney serving Pasadena, CA
at
Law Offices of Paul P. Cheng
Update Your Profile
She's unstable. Take action now.
Answered on Jul 03rd, 2013 at 2:55 AM
I can't advise as to the "best approach" because that is a life question and not a legal question but clearly it is in your interest to show that she is unstable and you are the better choice as a parent. The fact that she has committed domestic violence against you is very significant (if it is documented with police reports and maybe medical evidence). Same for her suicide attempt. The legal standard is whatever "is in the best interests of the children" and if she is a "train wreck" it is very unlikely that the court will give her custody. Again, it comes down to a matter of proof.
Answered on Nov 01st, 2011 at 10:42 AM
If you are living in a dangerous situation you shouldn't continue to reside there. It sounds like you are currently living in a very unstable environment which cannot be good for both you and your daughters. So your first priority should be trying to find another place to live. Get something written between you and your girlfriend that says you have a right to visit and spend time with your daughters. In the meantime, if you are not listed on the birth certificate you should file with the court to establish paternity. Once this is done then you can first file to obtain shared custody. If you believe that a case can be made that leaving your daughters with your girlfriend puts them in danger then you can file for full child custody. The courts will always look to see what is the best interest of the child. If they believe that they would have a safer and more stable environment living with you then they are more likely to find in your favor awarding you custody.
Answered on Oct 27th, 2011 at 11:26 PM
Seth D. Schraier, Esq. Law Office of Seth Schraier 3647 Broadway Suite 4G New York, New York 10031 Cell: (914) 907-8632 www.SchraierLaw.com
Probate Law Attorney serving Colorado Springs, CO
at
John E. Kirchner
Update Your Profile
Child custody isn't a game or contest to be decided by complicated strategies. All parenting responsibilities need to be decided based on what is in the best interests of the children and then documented by an enforceable court order. The sooner you get that process started, the better off everyone will be because there will be a clear set of rules. You gain nothing by prolonging the process and delay may simply increase the risk that something will happen to harm the children.
Answered on Oct 24th, 2011 at 11:24 PM
Family Law Attorney serving McDonough, GA
at
South Atlanta Family Law
Update Your Profile
You will need to file a petition for legitimation, since the children were born out wedlock. In the petition you can also ask for custody of your girls. You can use your evidence of her erratic behavior at trial.
Answered on Oct 24th, 2011 at 2:13 PM
James Albert Bordonaro
You need to contact a divorce attorney as your situation is too complicated for a short answer.
Answered on Oct 22nd, 2011 at 2:50 AM
Divorce Attorney serving Little Rock, AR
at
Law Office of Kathryn L. Hudson
Update Your Profile
Getting custody of very young children from the mother is difficult even though the "tender years" doctrine is no longer followed in Arkansas. The danger of leaving the babies with someone so out-of-control is reason enough to stay and certainly documenting her behavior will in the long-run make it easier when you go to court. You will need to file a petition of paternity and custody when you are ready.
Answered on Oct 21st, 2011 at 11:07 PM
Family Law Attorney serving Fountain Valley, CA
at
Law Office of Edwin Fahlen
Update Your Profile
If the domestic violence acts have been recently committed, there will be no better time then NOW to strike while the facts support your ability to obtain physical custody. Waiting will diminish your opportunity to win the custody battle, and prejudice you. When you are dealing with children, competent legal representation should always be sought, as the subject matter of the litigation is so very important. One mistake here could cause the biggest adverse consequence of your life!
Answered on Oct 21st, 2011 at 10:56 PM
Medical Malpractice Attorney serving Clermont, FL
at
Joanna Mitchell & Associates, P.A.
Update Your Profile
You need to consult with and retain an attorney to direct you and give you advice on how to proceed. The question that you have asked requires a much more detailed conversation than this venue can provide.
Answered on Oct 21st, 2011 at 10:11 PM
Divorce & Separation Attorney serving Menasha, WI
at
Petit & Dommershausen, S.C.
Update Your Profile
File for paternity/custody immediately. If you do not have a court order giving you rights/naming you as the father, you have no rights. She has sole custody (and worse the kids are considered marital children).
Answered on Oct 21st, 2011 at 3:46 PM
Alternative Dispute Resolution Attorney serving Ventura, CA
at
Zahn Law Office
Update Your Profile
If what you say is accurate, you need to move for getting her out of that house immediately and for emergency custody orders. Don't wait.
Answered on Oct 21st, 2011 at 3:37 PM
General Civil Trial Practice Attorney serving Beaverton, OR
at
Vincent J. Bernabei, LLC
Update Your Profile
You should immediately file for a restraining order and seek custody of the children. The children should not be subjected to witnessing domestic violence, and they are at risk if the mother is as violent and erratic as you say. If you stay and mom watches the kids while you work, the court will wonder why you didn't leave earlier if things were so bad.
Answered on Oct 21st, 2011 at 3:36 PM