What recourse do I have to deal with an ex that wants to control what goes on in my home?

This comes up a lot, and you probably need to at least consult with a family law specialist to learn how to establish lines of demarcation for the remainder of your children's minority.  Short version is that, as to both custody and support (you can review the relevant rules, cases, and other materials here and here), how you choose to run your household, and your personal behavior, is none of your ex's business until and unless it amounts to some form of child abuse or neglect.  On the subject of relationships, I wrote a newsletter that you might want to read, posted here.