QUESTION
What will happen if I was at fault for divorce?
Asked on Jun 20th, 2011 on Child Custody - Georgia
More details to this question:
I have been married 17 years. We have 2 children, a 10 year old son and a 14 year old daughter. Over 17 years we had 2 affairs. We should have divorced a long time ago but due to the kids and bills stayed married. W just went thru bankruptcy and have spent the last 1 month living apart. My son lives with me and my daughter with my wife at her parents. A couple of weeks ago wife decides she was going to keep my son, allowing me to see him when she decides. My son wants to be with me! So the question is: what happens in a divorce if I was at fault (affairs)? I will not contest divorce. I am scared nervous and lost. Thank you
19 ANSWERS
Administrative-Regulator Attorney serving Seattle, WA
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Law Offices of Karen A. Clark
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Washington is a no-fault dissolution state. The court will grant a dissolution on the basis of the marriage is irretrievably broken. In terms of determining child custody, the court will review whether there has been a history of neglect, abuse, violence, or other inappropriate behavior. Both parents have a duty to support minor children. I would suggest that you talk to an attorney about the best way to proceed with this matter.
Answered on Jun 23rd, 2011 at 11:06 AM
Medical Malpractice Attorney serving Clermont, FL
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Joanna Mitchell & Associates, P.A.
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Infidelity has nothing to do with who the children reside with predominately, at least not in most cases. Florida is a no fault state, and where the children reside is determined by what living situation is in their best interest. Your Wife cannot simply say your son isn't going to live with you anymore. You have equal rights to spend time with your son and your daughter, which includes overnights. Both you and your Wife are entitled to 100% of the time with each child, and so, because neither can have 100%, a timesharing arrangement needs to be worked out. I would strongly suggest contacting an attorney to assist you with this, as once timesharing arrangements are determined, they rarely change. My office offers free initial telephone consultations if you would like to discuss this matter in more detail, as well as explore the potential rights and options available.
Answered on Jun 23rd, 2011 at 10:50 AM
Family Law Attorney serving Fountain Valley, CA
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Law Office of Edwin Fahlen
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California is a "no fault" state. Therefore your affairs are of no consequence. You should stop your wife from being a dictator of the children. I can stop her cold in her tracks. I can also calm all of your fears and lead you through the whole process.
Answered on Jun 23rd, 2011 at 10:39 AM
Criminal Defense Attorney serving Monticello, MN
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Smith, Paulson, O'Donnell & Erickson, PLC
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Minnesota is a no fault state, so it does not matter if you had an affair. You should retain an attorney to assist you with the dissolution process. Helping to explain what is going on and helping to put your mind at ease is part of what the attorney does for you in a divorce case.
Answered on Jun 23rd, 2011 at 10:18 AM
Probate Law Attorney serving Colorado Springs, CO
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John E. Kirchner
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In Colorado, and most states, "fault" (especially involving "affairs") is totally irrelevant to the allocation of parental responsibilities. Children need both parents and it is never good for a child that one parent can control when or if the other parent is involved. A child's wishes as to his/her primary residence will be considered, but do not control. Most people believe that siblings should remain together after divorce, but there are exception to that - especially where the parents can get along and remain mutually involved in parenting. You and your wife should consult a mental health professional experienced in custody issues related to divorce in order to learn more about how divorce affects children and how parents can work together to minimize those affects.
Answered on Jun 23rd, 2011 at 9:19 AM
Washington is a no fault state. That means that who is at "fault" in the case is generally irrelevant. The only exception to this is if you were doing something that the court would consider as being harmful to the children.
Answered on Jun 23rd, 2011 at 9:17 AM
As for your first question, "fault" was written out of the Washington state statutes, and Oregon revised statutes, decades ago. When I last checked, there was only one state In the Union which still required a showing of fault for divorce. This does not mean, however, that none of the conduct constituting fault may be used in court. Sometimes, it may count as a factor toward custody or support issues, depending upon how the conduct may have affected the marriage. With regard to your son, you have an absolute right to see him. You need a Parenting Plan (Washington) or a Residential Schedule (Oregon) to protect your rights to see your son without your wife's permission. Of course, your son also has a right to see you, and preventing such contact is inappropriate for parent. Regardless of the rights involved, you must move quickly. The longer your son remains in your wife's custody, the less likely it will be that you might get custody.
Answered on Jun 23rd, 2011 at 9:06 AM
Only a few states have "fault" as part of the divorce. WI, where I practice, does not. So usual divorce laws apply.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 2:53 PM
Steven D. Dunnings
If the affairs are not recent (within the last 3 or 4 years) then I believe most Judges would look at them as not pertinent, assuming your wife knew of them at or near the time of the affairs, they would consider that she forgave and forgot.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 2:36 PM
Divorce & Separation Attorney serving Menasha, WI
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Petit & Dommershausen, S.C.
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Wisconsin is a no fault divorce state. You need to start the process so that you have court orders on who gets what placement. The statute indicates that the placement must be maximized between parents (which isn't 50/50 but what is in the kids best interest with having meaningful time with the parents). As for what your son or daughter wants, they shouldn't be put in a position of voicing that opinion to you or your wife, that isn't their responsibility or burden. As I tell kids, if the parents can't work it out the court will decide not them.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 2:25 PM
Theodore W. Robinson
The best advice I can give you is to consult with an attorney who does divorces and child custody actions. Right now, nobody apparently has custody of your son, so you have just as much right to him as she does. I suggest you start the divorce action first and hit her as hard as you can with a law suit and seek custody of him. Who is at fault usually doesn't impact greatly upon custody, but it is fact dependent and that's why you need the help of a competent attorney.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 2:14 PM
In Georgia, custody determinations are based upon what is in the best interest of the child, not based upon who was at fault. Parties' behaviors can be considered, however, when determining what is in the child's best interest. For instance, if the divorce was caused by someone's alcoholism, that factor will definitely will be taken into consideration when determining custody.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 1:38 PM
Family Attorney serving Seattle, WA
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Seattle Divorce Services
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Under Washington law, this is a no fault state, so fault does not enter into it. An important factor in parenting decisions here is which parent has been providing the primary parenting for the child, so the fact he has been living with you is in your favor. In your divorce you may need to ask the court for temporary orders as to the parenting arrangements for the children pending trial.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 12:13 PM
Patricia C. Van Haren
California is a no fault state. Therefore, it does not matter if a party has had an affair or they chose to leave the marriage. California is also a community property state therefore property division is based on when the parties accumulated property, not who left the marriage. Custody will be determined in the best interests of the children. Generally at age 10, the courts do not deem that a child is mature enough to form a decision about who they are to live with. However in some circumstances a court will appoint an attorney for the children and will take their wishes into account. Generally the courts prefer that the children have frequent and continuing contact with both parents.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 12:02 PM
General Civil Trial Practice Attorney serving Beaverton, OR
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Vincent J. Bernabei, LLC
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The affair should not be admissible in court. If your wife has informed your children that you had an affair, that could adversely impact her claim to custody.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 11:35 AM
Bankruptcy Attorney serving North Olmsted, OH
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James F. Lentz Attorney & Counselor at Law
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Today...right now schedule an appointment with a local domestic relations attorney. The issues you asked about are state specific, and thus impossible for me to answer. In most cases the facts of the case will not influence your ability to see your children. And you need to force your wife to let you see the children in court. You really need to see a lawyer. Please do not delay.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 11:34 AM
Civil Attorney serving Spokane, WA
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Glenn E. Tanner, Attorney at Law
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In Washington fault does not matter unless it was waste or effects your parenting.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 11:07 AM
Family Law Attorney serving Everett, WA
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Burkhalter Law PLLC
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Washington is a "no fault" State. Unless the affairs have an impact on the children, then it will not be an issue.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 10:56 AM
Glen Edward Ashman
First of all, if you don't get a lawyer, you have a very bad outcome. While a lawyer doesn't guarantee things, he will know how to present your best points. As a general rule, judges won't separate children, and, as a general rule, most judges want husbands to spend a lot of time with a child. Beyond that, it's all in the details your counsel will look at.
Answered on Jun 22nd, 2011 at 10:35 AM