We own a house together (both names on deed) Their is still a mortgage (her name only) but the house has equity. Can she take the house and I take the 401K?
Sure, both of you can informally agree to such an arrangement. It is when there is no agreement, the Court equitably distributes the marital assets and the liablities. It would be best to consult with an attorney and have a comprehensive settlement proposal prepared and presented to the other spouse and then see how far you can get with informal negotiations. If there is an impasse at that early stage, you can still try to negoatiate an agreement after the divorce action is filed. Also, please keep in mind that as part of your divorce action, you will be referred to mediation, which would be yet another opportunity to negotiate a reasonable agreement. All the best.
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