I what was the best/safe route to take on opt extension or h1b?

Where an individual has an H-1B filed on his or her behalf which states that the petition is for consular processing and not for change of status, the cap gap extension does not apply. Your college was wrong in informing you otherwise. It would not appear to be contrary to the rules for you to request a STEM extension under your circumstances. If the H-1B is approved and the petition was marked for consular processing, you would not receive a change of status. For the H-1B to go into effect, you would have to go outside the US for a visa interview and stamping. While cap gap extension should technically not apply in your case, a valid one will continue to be valid during the course of an RFE response up to the ending date of every cap gap extension, September 30. Due to the limitations of the Lawyers.com Forums, Alan Lee, Esq.'s (the "Firm") participation in responding to questions posted herein does not constitute legal advice, nor legal representation of the person or entity posting a question. No Attorney/Client relationship is or shall be construed to be created hereby. The information provided herein by the Firm is general, and requires that the poster obtain specific legal advice from an attorney. The poster shall not rely upon the information provided herein as legal advice nor as the basis for making any decisions of legal consequence.