Can I get sued for rape when I never got charged for that? Also if I was to lose the can they go after my wife's wages or taxes being I have nothing

You can be sued regardless of whther you were criminally charged.  You can win if you have a legal defense (for example if the statute of limitations has run out) or if the finder of fact (judge or jury) believes you rather than her.  Your wife cannot be compelled to use her separate assets to satisfy any judgment against you, but I am not sure if California (which is a community property state) would consider your wife's assets as her separate assets; you should speak to a California attorney or accountant about that.  You have no claim for slander for statements made in the context of the legal proceeding, as such statements are pretty much completely privileged, but may have a claim if the person knowingly published (i.e. knowingly communicated to a third party) a false statement about you outside the context of legal proceedings.