How do I get the HOA to stop maintaing my property that they claim is theirs?

My husband and I moved into a development in 2009. In 2009 the neighbors decided to beautify the entrance, we live at the entrance. We agreed as it was the neighborly thing to do, we even put money into buying plants, mulch, etcetera. In 2010 the HOA was taken from the builder and given to the community. There is a fence that sits on both sides of the entrance; one on my property and one on/near the neighbor's property across the street. Everything was good from 2010 until present except for we have random people who drive down the street and stop on the road outside our home and just sit there. It is unsettling and makes me feel unsafe. Plus my husband and I want to put in a pool and not be on display when we use the pool. So we want to change the fence from a horse farm fence (PVC) to something that is within code but gives more privacy. We were told by the HOA that this area where the flowers and fence are is a common area. My husband and I have asked to maintain it since our sprinklers are on the property but we keep getting the same reply, No the HOA will do it. We have since stopped using the sprinklers because the landscapers keep cutting the sprinkler heads off. Anyway I sent an e-mail to the HOA pres. About want to speak to him about the entrance. He thought I wanted to speak about the maintenance of the common areas. The night I was suppose to go to the HOA meeting my dad had to be rushed to the emergency room so I did not go, nor did I get to pay my HOA dues. The HOA press showed up in my yard about a week later, without any warning, and asked to use our water to power washes the fence. I told him no. My husband and I would do it the next weekend, which we did. I also told him I had done some research with the county and that the HOA had no common area at the entrance of the development and they had no landscaping easement either and that the property belonged to me and my husband per the land records with the county.