What are my rights to my father's properties and burial decisions after he passed if he was remarried?

My father remarried after my mother's death 19 years ago. My father died of cancer Thanksgiving week of 2013. I felt it was right to allow his wife time to grieve before inquiring about a few items his grandchildren desired of his. Then her son passed, making me feel she needed more time. As the anniversary date came and went, my kids were upset that they still had no closure. Saturday, Dec 27th, 2014, I received a text from her stating the memorial was planned for Monday, Jan 5th at 11 a.m. My sister and I were not consulted about anything. She is not responding any texts (I didn't trust my anger in a phone call). He was a veteran and my youngest child wanted his grandfather to have a flag presented. Upon investigation, I was yelled at by the funeral home and told I have no rights to any decisions, the flag was already presented, and I am free to attend the memorial on the 5th! Needless to say, I fell apart as the funeral employee told me that a blood relative, his 55 year old daughter had no rights but the wife of 15 years does. She could not tell me what law it was and told me to speak to the wife, whom she had called before she had returned my phone call.