QUESTION
What can and do we do with our surviving step-father, 86, who suffers from dementia?
Asked on Jul 19th, 2013 on Estate Planning - Delaware
More details to this question:
My mother-in-law passed away less than a year ago. She suffered from dementia and was telling us that our step-dad was doing some crazy things. We laughed at it because we just figured that her memory was the problem, as he seemed pretty normal to us at the time. He has always been a very independent, strong man, yet gentle as a kitten and has always been good to our family. He was the grandfather that our children spent more time with. We noticed that when mom was in her last days that he (I'll use the name John) was acting quite strange and we felt he was merely in denial that mom was dying. He thought that when they took her off life support (her wishes) that she was getting better and would be going home. Since that time we have seen him progressively get worse. While other members of the family wanted to give up on him my husband claimed to them that John was our step-dad and had no other family other than a nephew in another state. My husband is a man of integrity and while others may do things underhanded, my husband actually is better than me because of things that have happened recently. So what we are seeking is wisdom as what we should do, not only to protect ourselves, but to do what is right. Here is what we have been dealing with lately. Our step-father shows up every Sunday and sits with us in Church. He can get to church and home with no problem, as well as by Mom's grave, and to his bank. But, each Sunday he cannot remember how to get too many of the restaurants, so my husband drives him in his car to them while I drive our own car. His dementia is getting worse. Our oldest daughter just got married and when he was sitting at the wedding he asked my sister-in-law when the program was suppose to start. Then he asked what program they were about to watch and she told him that our daughter was getting married. He says he wants to check on his brother, whom he has not heard from in a while.
10 ANSWERS
Probate Attorney serving New Orleans, LA
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James G. Maguire
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What I would suggest is to have your step-dad give power of attorney to you or to your husband to manage his finances and other matters. Dementia is usually progressive, and he may come to the point where he can no longer function on his own at all. You should be prepared for that.
Answered on Jul 27th, 2013 at 3:24 PM
Thomas Edward Gates
Since it is to late to get a Power of Attorney to handle his financial affairs, you should petition the court to be appointed his guardian. This will give you the authority to handle his care needs as they get worst.
Answered on Jul 27th, 2013 at 3:23 PM
Probate Attorney serving St. Louis, MO
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Edward L. Armstrong, P.C.
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You never did say what your question was. It does sound as though your step father has dementia - it might be Alzheimers or some other form. Eventually he will be completely incapacitated. You should retain counsel and consider have a guardian of the person and conservator of his assets appointed by the court. This is a legal proceeding and you will need a lawyer. Your step father must also be examined by a doctor who will testify (usually this is done in writing rather than actually in court) as to his mental and physical abilities and based on that testimony the court will decide to what extent he is incapacitated. This protects him and also the person named as he caregiver and asset manager.
Answered on Jul 27th, 2013 at 3:23 PM
If you are willing, you and your husband can petition the local probate court to become John's guardians and/or conservators. A guardian sees to a person's physical well-being while a conservator handles a person's finances. That way you can be sure that he has a safe place to live, medical care, etc. Talk to an attorney or the local agency on aging for details.
Answered on Jul 27th, 2013 at 3:23 PM
Probate Attorney serving Newport, OR
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Minor, Bandonis & Haggerty P.C.
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I know you're going to hate this answer, but it sounds like John needs to go to a residential care facility. You could start taking him to visit facilities, and let him help make the choice. If he is unwilling to move to a facility, and you feel you need to be involved, then you could petition for guardianship. You will need to evaluate how well he is getting along at home, and whether having caregivers visit a few times a week will be sufficient. There may be a geriatric care consultant in your town to help you figure out how John is doing and what care he needs. Growing old involves many changes to the mind and body; dementia is difficult to diagnose. Sometimes a urinary tract infection can mimic dementia, so a good, knowledgeable doctor is a must. The key is to be out in front of the problem, planning ahead rather than reacting to crises.
Answered on Jul 27th, 2013 at 3:23 PM
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From your inquiry, it is hard to determine what your issue is. Are you looking to establish a guardianship over him to manage his affairs? You may want to repost your questions so it is clear what your issue is. This information is only intended to give general information in response to an inquiry. It does not establish an attorney client relationship. This response is only based upon the limited facts presented and is merely intended to assist you in determining if you should contact an attorney to provide you with legal advice.
Answered on Jul 27th, 2013 at 3:23 PM
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There is not a lot you can do from a legal perspective. It sounds like the issue is more making sure he is getting help and watching over him. If he is being taken advantage of however, you should go to court and seek a conservatorship to help with his housing and finances.
Answered on Jul 27th, 2013 at 3:23 PM
Business Planning Attorney serving Livonia, MI
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Frederick & Frederick Attorneys at Law
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There are a number of ways of handling this. The best way is to have him see an estate planning lawyer and have a durable power of attorney prepared for financial and medical matters. This can only be done if he has legal capacity. While capacity generally can be fairly low, the necessary level needs to be there, or the form cannot legally be obtained. A lawyer can assess this. If a POA cannot be signed, then you would need to look into probate proceedings for appointment of a guardian/conservator. That can be more time consuming and expensive. But it may be all you can do, if he lacks capacity. In either case, that will make sure that you have legal authority to take care of him and handle his business affairs.
Answered on Jul 27th, 2013 at 3:23 PM
Estate Planning Attorney serving Wilmington, DE
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Reger Rizzo & Darnall, LLP
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You can file a petition for guardianship of his person and property. If he has transferred any assets you may need to prove he was not competent at the time, which is pretty hard, but at least going forward you can protect his property and he from designing persons.
Answered on Jul 27th, 2013 at 3:22 PM
Bankruptcy Attorney serving Florissant, MO
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Law Offices of Thomas Corcoran Phipps
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Have a family member be appointed guardian and conservator. Then try to get him into some type of assisted living or retirement home.
Answered on Jul 27th, 2013 at 3:22 PM