how cani be an executor of estate without probate?

I am very sorry for your loss. That is really horrible. If there is equity in the house then you should not walk away from it. There are ways to avoid the full probate. One option would be to file a spousal property petition to get the property transferred to you. If the mortgage company still won't talk to you then we could file for letters of special administration. Both of these would be less costly than a full probate; especially if the property is worth a lot of money. I would need to know more details to know what is your best option. For example, did your husband have kids? What do you think the house is worth? How much do you think is owing on the mortgage?  -John