My stepmother took everything my father wanted my brother and I to share in his estate. We never got any notice on probate. I have old documents that my father gave me for his 401k and if anything should happen to him I would be the executor of his will. My stepmother told me while my father was in the hospital ...she met me in the hospital parking lot and said you and your brother are not getting anything. I couldn't belive it. My father passed in 2011. And I still wonder what I could have done or fight this. Financially I did not have the means to travel from NY to Washington. Do we still have any rights.
By law your stepmother, as your father's surviving spouse, was entitled to the 401k unless she affirmatively waived her right to it and so notified the plan administrator during the marriage.
If there was a Will stating how other things were to be distributed (after debts were paid) and you were named the executor, you should have submitted the Will to probate.
In any event, it is too late.
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